SPECULOOS & ALMOND TABBOULEH

If I said I was expecting to get back to Bad City after my first session of extraordinary adventures with a master plan of some kind, I would be lying; and just as unsurprisingly my head is now sailing its way through a pretty lake of a million very volatile non-master plans, and the heel angle of this boat it is on doesn’t look safe one bit, and I wouldn’t stop shivering with terror if I tried; and in this sort of trans-boundary waters of being, here goes me splashing around a little (what else can you do), and fishing out this memory of colourful bowls of bulgur and spices, for me and my daddy under the fair African sky, then mixing it with picnics on top of a sunny hill in a land of shiny rivers or streams or creeks or heaven knows, then folding in some sweetness, with sticky dates from Middle Eastern stores right in the heart of South London, and Mexican vanilla, via Canada, and delicious Belgian biscuits and a sprinkle of toasted almonds from, now I know, a Beautiful Country. And as with most crazy things, the boat heels and heels and it will either tip over or get you to the shore safe and sound before dark; and with this one, I think I’ve passed my nautical test a hundred percent: ahoy sweet biscuity tabbouleh.

WHITE CHOCOLATE BISCOFF BARS

Urban legends have it that I tend to opt for the easy way out and hide and avoid and deny and forget and more or less gracefully dodge bullets and steer away from sticky situations (unless it’s bubble-gum-flavour-ice-lolly sticky situations. In which particular case, I’m game) and my abilities as a most talented escape artist have been reported on on numerous occasions.

In my defense, the quiet (or, nothingness) after the madness pompously rolled out the red carpet for my head to wave goodbye to reality and set sail for dreams; and for this very reason dreaded deadly blood tests at seven in the morning have resulted in robotic I-have-convinced-myself-I-am-still-asleep-and-that’s-not-really-a-needle type behaviours that cause slight perplexity in hospitals; post-delivery client amends with a deadline of yesterday in mystical tales of guardian angels named Shane; and mooncake moulds missing in action and monthly expeditions to the strip and one birthday cake training session too many (however: I am so loved) in the creation of chocolate & biscuit spread bars that take less than one German experimental music album to whip up and if they didn’t dramatically worsen biscuit spread addiction and cause fatness and a spotty face you would think they are a gift from the empyrean because they’re delicious like that.

Now before I make my easy way out of this too, to go stuff myself with biscuit spread bars, I wish to share with posterity one last pearl of wisdom: the easy way out and white chocolate Biscoff bars is better than no way out and no white chocolate Biscoff bars.

BISCOFF TIRAMISÙ

Feeding the Dalston homeless with slabs of vegan tiramisù since 2015. Hah

LAZY COOKIES TWO WAYS

Lazy cookies are a godsend. A couple of years ago, when I was barely capable of cooking pasta (and I’m Italian! Such a dishonour to my own roots), the idea of baking something never even crossed my mind. Just the thought of buying ingredients I would never ever use again, plus finding bowls, cookie trays and all that and - god forbid - washing up afterwards, was just not very appealing. These cookies, however, are one of the first I made in my life. Not only do they require only one bowl (ok, two if you’re using flax eggs), they also take less than 10 minutes to prepare, less than 10 minutes to cook, and, if you ask me, less than 10 minutes to eat. Hooray for lazy cookies.

CHOCOLATE BISCOFF BUNDT CAKE

I am known for eating spreads by the spoonful. However, finding myself all curled up in bed with stomach ache one night last week, after scoffing down half a jar of Lotus biscuit spread in one go (duhhh), I had an epiphany. Why not putting this delicious yet dangerous treat to good use in baking? And what could go amazingly well with it (ok, arguably anything goes well with it)? Yes indeed: it's choco-Biscoff cake, ladies and gentlemen. The chocolate cake recipe taken from the Post Punk Kitchen is a gem itself. It's the moistest, lightest and fluffiest yoghurt chocolate cake. And using the biscuit spread glaze on top makes it an absolute winner. So here it is, in all its glory: vegan choco Biscoff Bundt cake for all of you to stuff your face with.