GOLDEN OREO BANANA PUDDING

There should be a master Process Document in place, which states that Oreo desserts like this are a skeleton key to escape mazes of rainy days, sad songs in loop, Dave-lessness, Dom-lessness, and old habits (the bad ones).

It’s been covered at length already that Oreos are the food of gods; they constitute a perfectly acceptable dinner party gift (if accompanied by banana bread beer) and there’s absolutely no evidence to date that they will not make you part-divine. As for the golden side of it, I woke up one morning knowing that opulence is not for me (I’m a dolphin after all); but you’ve got to be grateful for the yearly availability of special edition biscuits, even when this means dealing more or less maturely with this worrying tendency of theirs to go all sold-out in half a second (like I even give a duck now, because did you know, Morrisons: CANADA). And when a five-storey office space makes it so difficult to be a freegan and feast to your heart’s content on beetroot crisps, lemon sweets and over-ripe fruit, the addition of bananas is simply a legal requirement.

It’s soon to be disclosed whether I shall be the chosen that gets to write a Document so crucial for the whole of humanity (or perhaps just me. If so, may I please add: a slot in the diary of a busy working professional and part-time choir singer. Vegan banana cake. Art galleries. Animation tutorials. Vegan banana cake in art galleries after animation tutorials. Blue eyes, and the fine art of making peace with them), and in the meantime, I’m reminded that sunny days and disco music and shiny happy people don’t necessarily make for good stories, and most definitely don’t turn Oreos into gold.

GOLDEN OREO BANANA PUDDING

10 Golden Oreo cookies, chopped

1 medium banana, sliced

Banana cream:

100g (3/4 cup) cashews, soaked for at least 1 hour

90ml (1/4 cup + 2 tablespoons) soya milk or other non-dairy milk

1 medium banana

1 tablespoon melted coconut oil

Whipped cream:

400ml (1 can) coconut cream, refrigerated overnight

60g (1/4 cup) icing sugar

1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

Make the banana cream first. Blitz all ingredients in a blender until completely combined and creamy. Place in the fridge whilst you prepare the other layers.

For the whipped cream, in a bowl combine the solidified coconut fat from the can of coconut cream with the icing sugar and whisk until it’s all nice and frothy. Fold in the vanilla extract and whisk again until combined.

To assemble spoon some of the crushed Golden Oreos into two/three jars or glasses. Top with a layer of banana cream, a few slices of banana then spoon in some whipped cream. Repeat until all of the Oreos, banana cream, bananas and whipped cream have been used up (and until they stop selling Golden Oreos in the country).